I could have missed this.
Mother’s Day 2018 - Treatments were a success (love the curly hair that grew back in!)
I hesitated to share this personal experience. But, I have decided to, hoping that it resonates with and inspires you. And, that like me, it wakes you up to listen to the calling of your heart and not "miss" your life. The one you dream of living.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend and gifted photographer, Lisa Arnold Photography gifted me a photo of me with my dear daughter, Emma. It was taken on Mother's Day weekend in 2019, just about five years ago. My hair had grown back (pretty curly, huh?) after my cancer treatments the year before.
It's not until recently that I have opened up to "process" my 2018 cancer journey. Before now, my brain hadn't allowed me to think about the fact that my cancer could’ve easily, and was most likely going to claim my life. Now, even more than before, I am remembering and feely deeply grateful for the people and miracles — the synchronicities that saved me: my gifted doctors, loving family and friends, even the dozens of goldfinch that swirled around my yard on the day of my diagnosis.
Mostly, I am recalling my fierce will to live.
My immediate thought after hearing my crazy diagnosis was "I can't leave my daughter without her mother. She is just 15. She needs me"
And, I need her
But I did not die, I am even more alive than ever before… and I am forever changed.
What I find myself savoring and reflecting on this last few months are all of the moments I could have missed with my dear Emma.
I could have missed her milestones…
getting her driver's license, proms, her trip to China, graduations, college where her love of marine bio and tennis soared, Covid!, and this year, her first job/dream job working to preserve coral reefs.
I could have missed our shared moments…
our annual ritual of building fairy houses on Monhegan, scuba diving to a depth of 100 feet at Molokini crater, yummy lunches at GroundSwell cafe, that beautiful week in Paris after graduation, cooking and dancing in the kitchen to Abba music, binge watching "Friends", painting, ooing and ahhing over sunsets… laughing, loving… so many precious moments: her college tennis…college graduation…Mothers' Days…Maui adventures…Paris…her dream job doing coral preservation in St. Thomas…and so many precious moments in between.
I would not have been able to be her mother anymore, which is my greatest and most precious honor and gift in this life.
As Mother's Day approaches, I am reflecting on these precious moments even more,.. counting the days until we can go visit her in St. Thomas after my QUEST event… for Mother's Day 2024.
I can almost not breath right now as I type, realizing that I could have missed these moments. Ironically, facing death, like many people, gave me a very meaningful gift and cracked me open in a way.
I now know and experience every single moment as the miracle that it is. I believe in my heart's calling and I trust that I can follow it and chase my dreams, even the wildest ones.
This experience was a gift. I see everything through a lens of wonder & gratitude — the cloudy days part to the gorgeous blue skies, the cold, icy winters move to the warmth when the earth nurtures the flowers to emerge again.
I’m not always sure where my heart is leading me, but I trust in it. I trust it is leading me to another beautiful magical day.
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I implore you to not "miss" your life - the one you dream of living.
Don't miss your life because you’re worrying about something you should’ve done or didn’t do; regretting the things that happened that left you in a place that you’re not sure of. Don’t spend another moment worrying about an uncertain future. Trust your heart to lead you step-by-step. When you hit a wall, experience tragedy or a loss, keep walking & following your heart.
Create and experience the moments that you would not want to miss - don't waste even one day.
#unleashyourdreams #dontmissyourlife